Regain your life

There are times when you find yourself stuck in a cycle of doom. Instead of giving up, you must take charge of your life once again. Here's how...

How many seconds in a day do you worry? Do you allow daily frustrations, anxieties, problems or difficult people to bother you? Everyone usually has a hard time dealing with problems. Authors Kathy Kinney and Cindy Ratzlaff, in their book Be the Queen of Your Life, write, "Life is all about an attitude. Our Queenisms (solutions) are simple: Be an amazing person for yourself. Take small steps toward your dreams. Breathe in hope and breathe out fear. Banish all negative talk."

If others are talking behind your back, the answer to your well-being lies in ignorance. If your boss is rude to you, don't react with negativity. Daily life situations give us ample opportunities to regain control of our happiness. The key to bringing happiness lies with us, not with others. Once you acknowledge the events you can control and the ones you cannot. In his book, Yes You Can Regain Control of Your Life and Be Happy Again, author Brahim Derder writes how it's important to manage the daily, weekly and monthly challenges of life consistently. Bring back the joy, one step at a time.

Look forward

When things are at their worst, it's easy to look at the past and analyse. By constantly looking in the past, you are not focussing on the future. Look forward. Says Derder, "The first step is to decide what you want. Be passionate about it. Your goals must be reachable. They should be set within a time frame. You must not sit on them, act.

Get along with others

Others can, and will, affect you. Interdependence is part of life. You should not be so dependent that you only bother about other people's opinions, but it's good to be affable and happy. Don't go out of the way to be nasty or rude. Says Derder, "Show empathy, tune into other people's feelings. When you have a deadlock with a person, think about the problem from his point of view. Don't get into the blame game, you will lose your joy. Taking responsibility will enable you to regain power and happiness."

Says life coach Malti Bhojwani, "The only way to be happy is to live a life in pursuit of happiness every single day. Have a sense of where you want your life to head."

Be assertive, not aggressive

You are the boss of your life. Take control. Your life depends on how fast you can think. You can handle anything. To regain your joy, be assertive not aggressive. Says his Holiness the Karmapa, Ogyen Trinley Dorje, "You have the power to manage every moment of your life. Choose carefully what you want to do with every breath and every second. Manage your days with precision. Every day, your actions are changing things. Be aware as you manage your life and challenges."

This too shall pass

Look at life through your prism. Tell yourself: Life is too short, this too shall pass. All the above points are not going to work, if you don't do things from your prism. Says Kathy Kinney, "Have your moments. Imagine yourself standing on top of a mountain on a beautiful, clear day. Look down the mountain at the steep trail you took to get here. Everyone's journey involves detours. In your journey you need to equip yourself with emotions that work for you. Admire yourself for coming through. Let go of things that are not working for you."

Don't tear your hair out

Don't react to a crisis situation. Language matters. The words we choose to speak to ourselves and about ourselves are important. Says Dr Gitanjali Sharma, psychologist and relationship expert, "The one thing that makes us unhappy is catastrophic thinking. Don't let the fear of the worst make you react. Remember, excessive worrying will create strong anxiety and make you unhappy. You have the power to correct anything you don't like in your life. Don't give in to anger, or react to it. Just respond without emotions to situations you don't like." Later, when the immediate crisis has been dealt with, you can talk your heart out with someone who empathises with you; even seek guidance because we often lose perspective when we are in the picture.

Your life is right here, right now

Being happy helps us regain control over life. We have to find joy in living. Says Bramha Kumari, BK Shivani, "Why do we keep delaying our happiness? Wait for things to be "right"? We think we will be happy in the future and then wonder why we are not happy now. But life is never just right, so people keep waiting for this future and make themselves miserable. There is only now! Simply be yourself - be content, accept yourself. When you are you, then you become phenomenally attractive to others. The world will be at your feet and serve your every need."